“DEALING WITH REJECTION IN CHILDREN”

Dear Readers,

Rejection simply means “non acceptance". Children during their journey of self actualization and self growth encounters inevitable negative feelings like disappointment, being rejected, ignored, cheated and defeated. Being rejected by the significant others and from the influential life events, may damage the" psyche" of the child. Sometimes, rejection can be consciously or unconsciously thrown upon the child by his peer group, teachers, parents and significant others during his life span. At the subtle level its impact on the child’s growth is not highly magnitude but yes at its core it sometimes hinders the growth of the child by dragging him into the cage of negative self image and poor self concept. When rejection is not much elevated, it can be tackled by the child through introspection where he learns from his mistakes and by knowing the factors responsible behind his failure but in few cases its being  observed that it lowers the coping strategies of the child to get fit into the demands and challenges of his immediate environment. It may disturb the equilibrium of the child’s inner world where his projection about himself always lies as a” superhero “. Rejection directly attacks the self esteem of the child, making him venerable to improve upon himself because he is already occupied with negative and irrational thoughts pertaining to his personality and image. So the consensus is “we should use our words wisely” .Rejection should be presented in a closed envelope for the benefit of the child. A child should always get respect for his identity, integrity and sovereignty. But in today’s transitory era of growth where a child always has to perform must equipped himself with the art of dealing with rejection in an effective and wise manner. Parents, teachers and other care takers can use these below listed tips to deal effectively with the child who is being rejected and feeling miserable.

·        Social rejection should be flaccid by raising the self esteem of the child where the care taker has to form a therapeutic alliance with the child and understand his weaknesses and strengths. He must help beef up his self esteem.

·        Ponder upon his accomplishments which in turn gave him self confidence and acceptance.

·        Help them to encounter their experience – this will help the child to integrate their feelings and think in a better logical approach.

·         If they have fallen down, help them to rise up. Failure is an excellent learning experience .Validate their experience. This will help them to resolve their inner conflicts and acknowledge their strength.

·        Positive self talk should be taught to the children, so in a way they feel positive.

·        Teach them the simple mantra “if you fail try again, if you try you will succeed”. Teach them resiliency despite failure.

·        Help to promote self efficacy within them so that they can know their feelings and intervene them with the self evolved techniques and lead from the front.

·         Help them to take charge of their life, make them proactive.

Shilpa Chawla

Counselor